


Past Tense

by paintitb1ack



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Gen, Sort Of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 15:19:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12061683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paintitb1ack/pseuds/paintitb1ack
Summary: How often do you think Steve visits his museum exhibit?





	Past Tense

When the Captain America exhibit at the Smithsonian was first unveiled, Steve wasn't very excited. Sure, he played it up in front of the cameras, but the truth is that he's embarrassed to have something so big dedicated to him. 

It's months before he actually takes a ride over, but he just ends up standing on the steps outside of the museum before returning to his motorcycle and driving home.

It's only during a visit with Peggy that he genuinely starts to consider going back. He mentions to her how there's no reason for such a big fuss, that he just did what anybody else would have done, had they been in his shoes. Peggy smiles at that, chuckling softly as she reminds him  _you're a hero, Steve_ and  _so many people find themselves inspired by you and what you have accomplished._ Steve grimaces at the words but, after much convincing and a soft kiss on the cheek, he finally returns to the Smithsonian, this time pushing through the large glass doors and making his way through the museum without a second thought.

Hat tucked low, shoulders hunched, torso swallowed in a jacket three sizes too big, he slowly crosses the threshold between the Abraham Lincoln exhibit _(why would they put someone like me next to someone like him)_ and his own. His eyes first lock on the large portrait of himself on the far wall, a painting of Captain America that he doesn’t remember standing for. 

Hands shoved deep into his pockets, he continues walking. Suddenly, he finds himself having to do a double-take, the image of the pre-serum version of himself like a jolt of electricity rushing through his body. He’s not seen himself like this in decades. Then the photo changes, and he is parallel with his current self. _Look how far we’ve come, Steve_ , he hears Howard Stark’s voice say, but there is a tinge to the imagined words that reminds Steve that the billionaire didn’t care so much about the heart as he did about the body.

Steve chews at his lips. Padding softly into the next room, his gaze passes over a video of the Howling Commandos stomping up a rather small hill _(dugan would complain no matter how small it was)_ , guns slung over their shoulders as they teased and bickered their way through the wilderness. Being soldiers, they encountered their fair share of death and destruction, but they still managed to have a bit of fun along the way.

_speaking of death and destruction_

Steve tries to wave away Shmidt’s voice, but it's far too late, especially once the words are accompanied by another large image about ten yards away.

_(bucky)_

He should have known that James Buchanan Barnes would be a part of the exhibit. After all, he was _(is)_ Steve’s best friend. He's pretty sure Peg mentioned it to him at one point but, as the British agent predicted, Steve blocked it out.

Steve’s throat tightens, lungs fighting to provide him with air as he began to spiral into an anxiety attack. But this panic is far worse than any other he’s experienced, save the moment he watched Bucky fall from that train so many years ago.

Hearing the stumble in his breathing, a few people glance in his direction. Steve doesn't even notice that he’s captured some attention until _relax dumbass_ and he whirls around, but of course there's no one there. It was Bucky’s voice, and Bucky is

_(dead)_

Steve steps up to to a different video screen, eyes locked on his and Buck’s muted laughter. Subconsciously, he extends one arm, reaching for his friend’s face, wanting, yearning to brush their fingers against each other one last time.

_(i’m sorry)_

“—sir, but you’re not allowed to touch that.”

Ducking his head, Steve nods at the security guard and quickly backs away. This was a mistake. Coming here was a mistake.

But is it still a mistake when he visits the museum three days later? Is it still a mistake when he goes twice more before the month ends? Is it still a mistake when he signs up for a membership, when he makes his weekly schedule around visiting his _(buck’s)_ exhibit every Thursday?

Steve will never admit it, but Peggy knows one thing for certain. Without this museum, without Bucky’s memorial, Steve would probably not have made it through his first year post-freeze. 

Which is why she was the one who, the moment Steve woke up, campaigned to have that James Buchanan Barnes memorial built in the first place.

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching Captain America: The Winter Soldier a few days ago and, after viewing the scene with Bucky in the Smithsonian, I suddenly had a crushing thought: Steve had no reason to go visit his exhibit. He's obviously not the vainest of people, which means he had to have a real purpose for why was there. And while it may have been to relive old memories, I think it was mainly because he wanted to see Bucky, even if it was just an old photograph.


End file.
